


Battleships and Strip Poker

by Dinglemyrhombus



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, peter parker - Fandom, wade wilson - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Usage, Bottom!Peter, Deadpool - Freeform, Drunk Sex, Drunk!Peter, Drunk!Wade, M/M, Maybe. - Freeform, More tags later, Oneshot, Smut, Spideypool - Freeform, Stripping, fluff?, spiderman - Freeform, top!wade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:08:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dinglemyrhombus/pseuds/Dinglemyrhombus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spider-Man and Deadpool play strip poker with battleships. (And things get kinda funky.) *Coughs*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battleships and Strip Poker

**Author's Note:**

> So basically Toy Story was on last night and Mr Potato Head and Hamm were playing battleships which Mr Potato Head had to give his belongings to Hamm and well I thought to myself; why don't I make a spideypool fanfic of this? I was influenced by a kid's movie to make a fanfic. Whoops.
> 
> Some people wanted it on Ao3 so I'm posting it here too and I originally posted it on Wattpad because I think it's easier for me to write on while using my ipod. If only Ao3 had an app to use. I'd use Ao3 alot more.
> 
> Well have fun! (Try not to cringe at my terrible writing.)

After the heroic fight with Dr. Octopus, Deadpool (also known as Wade Wilson; The Merc with a Mouth and the confused mercenary who won't shut up about chimichangas and how Spider-Man's ass is rounder than the moon) decided to INVITE Spider-Man to the merc's place. Peter didn't have anything else to do; no recent projects or college stuff to do. It took him a hesitant thought about it but then again.

Why the fuck not?

Jumping across building to building and accidentally back flipping into other people's apartments thinking it belongs to Wade's, they both decided it was best that they should just jump down to the path instead.

Explaining to Spider-Man how it was a new apartment and he was totally not kicked out because of apartment inspection (for the fifth time), it was still difficult to find his apartment door. He just moved in the apartment a week ago. You can't expect a flawless and dashing Deadpool to just remember the smallest detail when he's busy blowing heads (WITH A GUN, AS IN SHOOTING PEOPLE GDI) in different states and countries can you?

;Wow that was pretty nice of you author.;  
*Well we are flawless and dashing are we not?*

\------------------------------------------------------

It was dark as night and soon both the hero and mercenary sat on the couch, watching the Opera Winfrey show on the merc's abused T.V in their own worn out spandexes.

This was the first time Peter had ever been in Wade's apartment. It was old, filthy, had stains from many types of foods and other products (which is best to be unknown). Crates and boxes were scattered around at every turn, named with terribly written innuendos which were not mention also terrible in red marker. There were unhygienic kitchens and other rooms by the looks of it from the whole apartment as well. It was everything it was expected for certain masked mercenary to live in.

Holy shit, is the Amazing Spider-Man monologue how he imagined our apartment would look like?  
Shh, you'll make him have an epiphany about how we could hear him.

"Ugggh, I'm so boooereeddd." Deadpool confesses, as he stretches his triceps over the stained couch. "I'm ordering beer, please tell me your legal I don't want to be responsible for underage drinking again."

"Yeah, I'm old enough..." Spiderman replies. "Wait, what happened the first time?"

Before Peter could say any more, Deadpool was already going out of the window sill.

"See you later baby boy, don't miss me too much <3!" While blowing a kiss to Spider-Man, Spider-Man tries to dodge it, which was successful and ends up Deadpool pouting."I'll be back in fifteen minutes, wait for me my sweet prince!" He yells outside on the pavement floor.

"Gladly." Mutters Spider-Man, while he rolls his eyes.

\----------------------------------------------------------

About fifteen minutes have past and Deadpool comes back with baskets of beers in both hands. Flailing the baskets around and showing he has the additive liquids in possession while coming in the window sill.  
Spider-Man sits at the same exact spot he was before and watching the same thing he was watching (before). Staring at the absent minded spider, Deadpool drops the beers in front of him to catch his attention.

"Jeez you are such a nerd when it comes to your Star Wars and your sciency shenanigans." Saying so while throwing a beer to the web head, Spider-Man catches it in embarrassment for almost dropping it on the floor. Deadpool lifts his mask half way, revealing his mouth and starts drinking the beer from the bottle he holds in one hand. The disregarded bottle cap is left upside down, on the floor being forgotten. (Rest in pieces bottle cap) He makes his way to the couch, on the right side of Spiderman.

Spider-Man didn't even move an inch, not even making a sudden movement to drinking his beer. He just start staring obliviously at the old T.V. screen playing Star Wars (What is this? A Star Wars Marathon?).

;Hey what's with Webster over there?;  
*Maybe he doesn't want to be with us? And did you just call him Webster?*  
;Yes I did. Are you going to do something about it?;  
*Ugh, and YOUR supposed to be the sane one out of all of us. And yes, maybe I will.*  
;When did we establish that? W-were you talking about me behind my back?;  
*Yes we were. We both agreed that you need help, it's like we don't know you any more. I'm sorry it's just- I don't think we can work this out any more...*  
;But I can change!;

While the voices in Deadpool's head start arguing, Deadpool stares at Spider-Man. It recently came to his mind to question what made Spider-Man have the common decency to agree to come along with him to spend together at his apartment. He could of just replied with a kick in the groin and "go fuck yourself" for even suggesting that idea. He didn't really believe he would actually say yes THIS time. You asked him countless of times to go down that Mexican fast food place but he took it as him joking about it. (Which he wasn't obviously.) Is Amazing Spider-Man starting to actually trust the merc with the mouth? Is he actually admiring that he is being serious about trying to change? You hardly imagine that. It's truly terrible that you actually want to know him more without selling his identity for money. It disgusts you that AT LEAST the Avengers know his name and even his two dads know. You would give anything to see what he actually looked like for once instead if imagining it. To know his actual name and say it every day like he means something to him to let him do that like the friends they are. He actually knows your name from the avengers AND seen what he looks like at least once so... Why can't he trust him a little more? It can just be as friends.

;You know there's a special word for this.;  
*And they call it, Spandex love.*  
;Yeah that's the word.;  
*What? Spandex?*  
;*Sigh* Forget it.;

But that's not going to happen. Not tonight, not ever.

;Shit, the Web head caught us staring.;  
*ABORT TO THE PLANE OF REALITY AT ILE 7. ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!!*

"Wait, what?"

Blinking his eyes through his mask, he realised he was staring at the young hero this whole time. And that, Spider-Man had just realised and turning the way were Deadpool was sitting.

"U-um...." Trying to find the words to make a funny remark, Deadpool was stammering in front of the hero. Muttering the word "shit" that he can't make an excuse for looking at the hero, he looked the other way in embarrassment and still feeling the stare on his left side.

;Well this is awkward.;  
*Ooh, let's play a game!*  
;Why do I get the feeling that every time a character says that exact line, it ends shitty.;  
*Calm it Kermit, I only suggested it so that way it'll ease the tension!*  
;Oh you did not just call me Kermit.;

"That's a good idea!" The merc said out loud while standing up scaring the hero below him. He the starts pacing around the apartment trying to find a certain something.

Spider-Man is left in the living room thinking to himself again. It was weird that he couldn't catch his spider- sense recently. In fact, it's been at least a month since he can't sense his spider- sense in front of Deadpool. Is he actually starting to trust him now and that he could actually relax in front of him?

"Ugh, I'm so confused." As Peter mutters to himself.

While muttering to himself, Wade surprises him with a long, tattered and worn out blue box.

"We should play battleships! It'll be fun AND it'll kill time!" As Wade slams the blue box on the tea table in front of Spiderman and next to the beers, he smiles happily at Spider-Man through his mask leaving creases which makes it obvious that he wants to play with him. Spider-Man stares at the merc, confused of how the hell he came up with that idea. Of course it's not the most flawed idea Deadpool has ever came up with because he is right about the killing time but battleships? It's really unexpected that you didn't actually expect that from him. If you say no, then he might even suggest something worse which battleships isn't even that bad I suppose.

As Spider-Man thinks things over, he opens the box and sets up the game with the help of Deadpool.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so bad but whatever.
> 
> When I finish this I'm going to put all the pages into one page. It is a oneshot afterall, right?
> 
> See you soon!


End file.
